Where did everything go?

Now and again I sit back a little and I take stock. I happen to know that this weekend, old classmates of mine are getting married, old work mates are moving to the capital, old housemates are dealing drugs. Right this second I'm pretty sure I don't want to do any of these things, but I don't know what I do want. My stock take is throwing up one glaringly obvious issue: avoiding the decision is not good enough. Most of my decisions up until now I have blamed on someone, or something else: "I had no choice because" is a cop out. Cowardice is always cowardice, however cleverly it is disguised as the gap between a rock and a hard place. All of these 'I had no choice' choices have got me here, with no degree, a frustrating job, friends I rarely see, an old life I miss desperately like one might a lover, and a well rehearsed pack of lies to cover all that up. This is not the direction I was headed when I was 18. This was not the direction I was headed at 20 either. Why then, at almost 22, have I resigned myself to the walk when my feet are hurting? My soul is saying stop, re-evaluate, turn around?